SOAP CHRONICLES
by CinderellaAtTheBall
Summary: The Chronicles of Narnia SOAPIFIED! Basically, the Chronicles of Narnia as a REALLY RANDOM SOAP OPERA! Let's see what random things my mind can cook up, shall we? Warning: Slash/crackfic. T for a reason. CHAPTER 5 NOW UP!
1. Telling Peter's Secret

**CatB: Okay, this is a really random story idea that popped into my head. I saw the Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian in French, and couldn't understand a word of what was said, but there were all these "moments" between Peter and Caspian that inspired this story. Oh yeah, and because I love drama so much, I decided to overdramatize everything and BAM! A soap opera was born! **

**Susan's POV**

_Oh my God!! I just found out that Peter has a THING for...Caspian! I was starting to think there was a little somethin' goin' on between them. I mean, the way that they look at each other is a total giveaway. Oh no! How are we gonna break the news to Lucy and Ed?! How?! We can't just say, "Hey, Ed, Luce, Peter likes Caspian. You know, LIKE likes him." Well, we could, actually..._

_"Edmund, Lucy, we have something to tell you..."_

"We're getting engaged."

_JUST KIDDING!!_

_This isn't frickin' Bend It Like Beckham, people, honestly._

_ANYWAY..._

_"Edmund, Lucy, we have something to tell you..."_

"I'm in love with Caspian."

"Really? That's so cute! Oh, Peter, I'm so happy for you!"

"I'm glad you approve, Lucy. Edmund?"

"I'm glad you found someone you're going to be happy with, Peter..."

_Yeah...no. In a perfect world, that's what would happen. (sigh) What really happened was so much more awkward..._

_"Edmund, Lucy, we have something to tell you..."_

"Yeah. Um, you know how Caspian and I go into the woods to train? Well, we're not really, um, training, we're, um, passionately making out beneath the-"

_"Okay, Peter, stop RIGHT THERE. What your brother is trying to say is, he and Caspian are...together."_

_I pulled Peter aside after that._

_"Wow, Peter. Way to be blunt AND scar your siblings for life. "_

"What can I say, I'm just that talented."

_"Shut up!"_

"At least I told them the truth. At least I didn't LIE to them like you've been doing!"

_"What's that supposed to mean?!"_

"Don't play innocent, Susan. I know you've been keeping your own relationship a secret!"

_WHAT?! How does he know about THAT?!_

**CatB: Please read and review! I try to read, if not review, the stories of my reviewers! Anyway, I hope you guys liked it! If not, too bad, I'm going to add more anyway!**


	2. Susan Knows Where Babies Come From

**CatB: Wow, it's been _over a year _since I published the first chapter of this fic! That's probably because I had totally abandoned it, until the other day, when I finally got around to watching the first Chronicles of Narnia movie. Plus, it helped that I watched _Prince Caspian _like three times over break. (Including once in French!)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Chronicles of Narnia. I'm just borrowing the characters for soap opera fun! **

Peter's POV

_Okay, so I finally admitted that I'm in love with Caspian, and Susan already knew! Said something about the way we look at each other totally gives it away. I can't help it, though. His eyes are _intense.

_Anyway, now Susan's pissed and ignoring me. Lucy and Edmund are keeping their distance as well. Not that I blame them. Finding out your brother likes guys? That must be doing _wonders_ for their mental state. I had just hoped they would be a little more, uh, supportive? I mean, we Pevensies have always been close. We're supposed to stick together, but I guess they've forgotten all of that. _

_You know, Susan's one to talk. She has a little romance of her own that she's been hiding. With that guy who's always hitting on her while she scans the paper after school. Sure, she pretends not to like him, but I saw them making out on a bench back home. Thankfully, Susan didn't see me, and I saw no reason to tell her I knew about it, until now, anyway. _

_I think I'll go confront her about that, as a matter of fact. I _am _supposed to be the responsible older brother here…_

"_Hey, Susan, what's your boyfriend's name?"_

"Boyfriend? Peter, I don't have a boyfriend?"

"_Why is your voice all high-pitched, then?"_

"Why is _yours_?"

_She thinks my voice is high-pitched!_

"_Susan Pevensie!" Dammit, my voice just cracked. "I am High King Peter, and my voice is most certainly _not _high-pitched!"_

"Of course it isn't."

_Now she's laughing at me! That's it, I'm drawing my pretty metal sword that has my name engraved on it! _

"_Take that back."_

_Now she's rolling her eyes. _

"Even if I take it back, that won't change the fact that your voice really _is_ high-pitched."

"_It (crack) is not! Now, tell me your boyfriend's name!"_

"I don't have a boyfriend!"

"_That dork with the glasses who hits on you while you read the paper?"_

"Ash? Ew, he's such an idiot, he could never be my boyfriend."

"_Aha, his name is Ash!" _

"Yes, but-for the last time, dammit-he is _not_ my boyfriend."

"_Well, then, you must be friends with benefits, because I'm pretty sure I saw you two kissing on a bench once. Or do you kiss all of your friends?"_

_Ha! She's blushing! Nice work, Peter._

"Don't be ridiculous. We were just, um, practicing."

"_Practicing? For what? You shouldn't be kissing _anyone _for _any _reason! You might, um, well, you know, get a little too, um, into it, and then, well, become a…mum."_

"I know where babies come from, idiot."

"_Oh, good. Does Lucy?"_

"Of course. Girls are _born _knowing this stuff."

"_Really?" Makes my job easier. _

"No, not really. She probably doesn't have any idea, actually, poor dear."

_Why is she calling Lucy 'poor dear'? _I'm _the one that has to go explain what happens 'when a girl and a boy love each other very much.' My dignity is now completely gone. _

_Thank you, Susan. _

_WAIT. I never finished lecturing her about her boyfriend! Oh well, that'll have to happen later._

_Man, I wonder if all High Kings have to deal with all this crap?_

**CatB: I hope the style isn't too confusing. The person whose POV the chapter is in always speaks and thinks in _italics_, and everyone else is...non-italicized. **

**Reviews are loved...a lot.**

**Lucy's POV next chapter! (I promise to update much sooner, I've already got a page on Lucy's chapter).**


	3. Lucy's Secret & A Love Triangle Is Born

**CatB: I need to work on making these chapters a bit longer, but here's a quick one!**

Lucy's POV

_I don't think I've ever been more disgusted in my whole life! Honestly, Peter _would _think that telling me where babies come from was a smart idea. Idiot. _

{Flashback}

"So, Lucy, Susan tells me that you don't know where babies come from."

_"No, I don't. Are you going to tell me?"_

"...Unfortunately, yes."

_Little did I know the horrors in store for me._

"...and then a baby grows inside her. The end."

_Oh, okay. __Um, GROSS!_

{End flashback}

_"And you had to tell me this _why?"

"You'd have to learn about it sooner or later, Lu."

_"You have completely ruined my childhood!"_

"Lu-Lucy-put the dagger away...okay, leaving!"

_Wow. Peter screams like a girl when he's really scared. I should tell Caspian!_

_"Hey, Caspian."_

"Hello, Lucy."

_Why is his accent so sexy?_

"Lucy, earth to Lucy..."

_"Uh, what?"_

"What are you staring at?"

_Your warm, beautiful eyes. "Nothing."_

"Oh. Did you have something to tell me?"

_"Yeah. Did you know that Peter screams like a girl when he's really scared?"_

_Oh, his laugh is beautiful._

"You don't say! I have to see this for myself."

_Okay. Wait, what?!_

"Boo!"

"Aaaaaaaaaaah! Oh, Caspian, it's just you."

"Were you expecting someone else, Peter?"

"No, no, of course not."

_And now they're kissing._

_"Peter! Childhood! _Ruined!"

"Lucy, why are you such a drama queen?"

_"Don't you _dare _call me that, Peter Pevensie! You're one to talk!"_

"Yes, except he is a drama _king. _Drama High King!"

_Oh, shut it, Caspian. You may be absolutely gorgeous, but that does _not _give you any right to crack stupid jokes. I mean, "Haha, Caspian, you're so _funny!"

_That smile he just shot me made that little lie worth it. _

**CatB: So now a love triangle's been introduced...DRAMA FEST! **

**Reviews make my day more than anything else these days...sad, but true, so please review! **


	4. Caspian Tries to Be Funny

**CatB: Switching schools midyear caused a plethora of problems that even _I _was not anticipating and so it has been a while since I last updated, and for that I am sorry. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Chronicles of Narnia...or the actors from the movies, either. Sadness. **

Chapter Four:Caspian's POV

_It might just be me, but it seems like things have been really tense around here lately. Between the Pevensies, that is._

_I would ask one of them what is going on, but I don't want to be intrusive. Besides, Edmund and Susan are barely talking to me as it is and Peter-Peter will just deny that anything's wrong, because that's what Peter does. I guess there's always Lucy…_

_"Hey, Lucy?"_

"Cassssspiannnnnnn!"

_…Did I mention she's been acting even friendlier than usual?_

_"Uh, yeah, Lucy-"_

_Is she batting her eyelashes at me? No, no, it's probably a trick of the light._

_"Yeah, um, are things, you know,_ okay _between you and your siblings?"_

"Of _course_ they are, Caspian! Just peachy."

_Man, now I want peaches! Or plums. I love plums. Er, that is to say-_

_"Lucy, you're lying to me!"_

"What? No, I'm not!"

_"Lucy, look at me. You may be a sweet, lovely little girl, but you're a terrible liar."_

_She's smiling. Doesn't she realize that wasn't really a compliment? Ah, yes, now she's beginning to frown…and turn bright red._

"I'm not little, Caspian! I'm only a foot shorter than you are!"

_At least a foot. I'm sure it's more, though. Not that I'm about to tell her that, because I actually value my life, and I would not put it past Lucy to stab me in a fit of anger or something. She's got quite the temper, let me tell you._

_Okay, I'm getting a bit off track. Back to grilling Lucy!_

_"Lucy, darling, be a dear and tell me, honestly, whether you and your siblings are having any problems."_

"Didn't we already have this conversation, Casp? Can I call you Casp?"

_What?! "Um...NO."_

"Aw, why not?"

_"Because Casp sounds like...clasp! Yeah, clasp. And I'm not a clasp!"_

_Now she's giggling like that's the funniest thing she's ever heard...wow. I had no idea I was so funny!_

_I should tell her a joke and see if she laughs..._

_"Hey, Lucy? What's pink and fluffy?"_

"Uh...I don't know."

_"Pink fluff! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

_I can't believe she's actually laughing. I must be funnier than I thought. _

_"Hey, what's short, has brown hair, and giggles a lot?"_

"No idea."

_"You! HAHAHAHA!"_

_Ow! She slapped me. Well, _I _thought it was funny..._

_"That hurt, you-you...meanie-butt!" _

_Oh, good. Here's Peter. He can yell at her for me!_

_Wait...he's not yelling at her. Why isn't he yelling at her?!_

_Oh. Because he's yelling at _me.

"Caspian, what the hell did you do to my little sister?"

_Why does she get cuddled? I'm the one with the burning cheek! Okay, she didn't hit me _that _hard, but still._

_She's the one that slapped me and _I _get yelled at._

_Hmph. Life is so unfair to devilishly handsome men such as myself. The cute (and sometimes not so cute) little girls get all the attention, and I'm sick and tired of it! I thought Peter was on my side, too, but I guess blood is thicker than love. Or whatever._

_This realization is too depressing. Goodbye, cruel world!_

"CASPIAN?!"

**CatB: Another cliffhanger ending, haha. This chapter was so random. _Caspian _is so random. Gotta love him, though. ;)**

**Reviews make my day a billion times better! You could be the reason why my day doesn't completely suck! (Consider it good karma or your good deed for the day...)**


	5. Everybody Loves Edmund?

**CatB: Again, it has been wayyyy too long since I've updated, and _again_, I apologize. Enjoy this juicy, er, I mean, random thing!**

**Note: 'Paper Dork' is that guy is hits on Susan in the _Prince Caspian _film. In case you were wondering. XD I'm not sure he's present in the books, but I could be completely wrong. Also, character's POV is in _italics_, everyone else gets normal text. Just a reminder.**

**WARNING: I haven't put these before, but just in case: This is a crackfic. So it is random and weird. This chapter contains hints of incest. I am not responsible for any scarring (mental OR physical) that may occur as a result of reading this fic. You have been warned.  
**

**DISCLAIMER: Chronicles of Narnia is not mine. I've gotten over it and so should you.  
**

Edmund's POV**  
**

_Well. Today's been an…interesting day, to say the least: Caspian flung himself off a cliff (I'm still unsure as to the exact reason why), Lucy learned where babies come from, and Peter totally busted Susan for her "secret" relationship with Paper Dork._

_As far as the whole Caspian thing goes, I'm not too worried. He's a strong fellow, and I'm sure my brother is taking good care of him. (That may or may not be a euphemism for something else…) _

_Poor Luce, though. She seems really upset about something. I'm guessing it has something to do with Peter's description of sex, it was rather upsetting. But I don't know why she would cry about it._

_Susan's holding up pretty well, considering she has just about zero dignity left now. I mean, Paper Dork, really? Of all the people to be in a secret relationship with…_

"_Hey, Susan!"_

"Go _away_, Edmund."

"_Soooooo, how are you and Paper Dork doing these days?" Ha, she's blushing like crazy. She could be mistaken for a lobster at this point._

"Shut up."

_Like hell I will. "Make me."_

"Edmund, I am your older sister! FEAR ME."

"_No, I won't!" I stick my tongue out at her for good measure._

"Edmund, keep your tongue in your mouth unless you want it chopped off!"

"_You won't, you won't!" I do love making her mad. _

"Don't test me."

_Oooh, I'm SO scared. "Come at me, bro!"_

"EDMUND!"

_Crap. She's running at me with a sword! "Susan, put Caspian's sword down, now!"_

"Make me!"

_Using my own words against me, how cruel. "Okay…"_

"Edmund?"

"_Yes?"_

"For the love of all that is holy, _please _stop kissing me!"

"_What? I wasn't kissing you, I was just making sure your mouth stayed closed…with my mouth."_

_Oh, look, it's Lucy!...and she's crying again._

"Lucy, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Susan. What are you and Edmund doing?"

"_Oh, you know, having a nice talk about, um, swords."_

"Lucy, are you _sure _you're alright? You look terrible."

"I'm just…argh, I'm having girl problems."

_Uh-oh. "LALALALA I CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING." _

"Edmund! It's nothing like that, it's just…you see, there's a boy…"

"A boy?"

"_It's me, isn't it? It's okay, Lucy, I understand. I am a fine, strapping young lad, I know."_

"Edmund, be quiet! I want to hear allllll about Lucy's boy."

"Well, that's just the thing, isn't it? He's not mine. He never will be mine. He's found someone else to be happy with!"

"Oh, Lucy, you poor thing!"

"_Well, Lucy, that sucks and all, but if you ever need someone, I am riiiiiiiiiiiight here."_

"….creep."

"_Oh, right, call _me _the creep. I'm not the on carrying on a secret relationship with an awkward, paper-reading dork!"_

"Susan, what's he talking about?"

"Nothing, dear. Nothing at all."

"You're blushing! OUT WITH IT."

_Haha, Lucy's now threatening Susan with that little dagger of hers. Now Susan has to tell her. Wonderful._

"W-well, Luce, uh, you know Ash? Well, he's kind of-we've kind of been…together."

"Who, Paper Dork? AHAHAHAHAHA."

"Why does everyone think this is so funny?"

"_Uh, because it is?"_

"Shut _up, _Edmund."

_"Make me."_

"Edmund, I am your older sister! FEAR ME. Wait, didn't we already do this?"

"_What? Oh, yeah…"_

**CatB: Let me know how that was! I hope I did an okay job picking up with this after so many months! **_  
_


End file.
